I'm not giving y'll promises. Well, it doesn't mean i don't mean it but, hey, I just don't like making promises. It's just a beginning from another heart-breaking in another time. Whenever I make a promise, i don't know why, I always think another 'what if' condition that I never guessed. Well, you know, there's no certainty in this world, even it's math. That's one of the reason why.

I know how it feels if you don't get it as you wanted or begged and yes, of course, i bet it'll be tough one to feel that drawback not getting as you wanted or begged. I'll feel that too. But, hey, as long as I'm enjoying this kind of way, i feel no matter and get nothing loss. Instead, I get so much things are priceless. Blessing something is better than begging something. I'd rather willing it away than I'll get nothing which is priceless. So, i think i'd better make no promise because it'll trigger you to beg something and i'll less receiving the priceless moments or lessons. That's another reason why.

Just watch my words and let the time answer. 

This Time

Yeah I know this time is not the right time to do this, still stay awake in midnight and doing nothing like a foolish. 25 days left to face it, a test I should do before I left high school. And, it's like....omg.......I've not to say this word. Ok, I wouldn't say that...........okay, i can't. It isn't okay for me to hide it just think and think and think then act like there's nothing happen to you without any conclusion how to solve and heal it at least by myself. For whom has already passed this-pra-UN-thingy, you may understand how hard you trained those 6 subjects, let your self well-prepared of them, do a lot of latihan soal, blablabla. Then that time will come and yourself are getting complicated.

There's always a time when you're getting bored or tired. There's always a time when you'll need a shoulder to lean on. There's always a time when you'll take risky things of your choice. There's always a time when you need someone will hear your blabbering even the unimportant one, at least just hear then giving you a little smile. I have to learn those things by myself when there's actually no one will. As writing can help me a little bit, then, here I am, writing this a nanokilo thoughts of my mind.

Anyhow, I think, everyone is busy to chase what they've to chase too. So do I. Being independent is key that everyone should be by the time like this and that's what I've to used to it. I also think that I Won't Give Up by Jason Mraz's lyric is such a reminder to whom with tiredful mind like me 'cause of it I will think how bad I want things I won't give up with and back to the reason why I want to get those things. I get the answer: I want it so badly because a lot of reason. Moreover, they're worth to try and I'm really curious with it. So, Daebak!

K. Enough ya del curhatnya. It's 1:33 AM, by the way. Well, Goodnight!

Jadi ceritanya senin depan gue udah US a.k.a Ujian Sekolah, yang terakhir pula *bercucuran air mata* terus sekarang juga udah sekitar H-36 UN (rajin bgt gaksih ngitungin ginian wkwk). And, time flies fastly, dude...

Terus barusan gue abis baca suatu artikel di zenius.net  dan gue tersentuh sebagai pelajar SMA tingkat akhir. Nih, di artikelnya ditulis gini,

"Di Indonesia kita belajar supaya dapet skill khusus yang nantinya skill khusus ini bisa kita pake buat kerja supaya dapet duit. Singkatnya inti dari pendidikan Indonesia tuh itu. Ternyata yang gue liat di sistem pendidikan luar negeri tuh konsep pendidikan berjenjang. Ada memang jenjang praktis buat mereka yang akhirnya sekedar belajar buat dapet skills practical untuk akhirnya dipake untuk dapet duit. Tapi di top Universities, pendidikannya beda, tujuannya bukan itu. Karena tujuan pendidikan di top Universities ini nantinya menciptakan orang-orang yang emang menciptakan pekerjaan, jadi top leaders, top businessmen, top engineers, top scientists, dll."

"...pendidikan seharusnya menyiapkan orang untuk siap seumur hidup, hidup di dalam suatu kualitas, untuk menciptakan kualitas secara terus menerus dalam 30-50 tahun kehidupan di masa mendatang. Nah, ya kita harus punya dasar yang kuat banget, karena hidup ya sayang aja kalo ga ada misi." 

Disitu dibilang kan kita belajar selama ini buat cari duit. Dan emang bener, fakta. Hidup butuh uang. Entahlah, kenapa gue agak miris ya kalo dibilang belajar untuk cuma cari uang. Padahal seharusnya, ya itu, pendidikan membuat kita lebih mudah siap hidup di dalam suatu kualitas. Kualitas disini mencakup kecerdasan, kreativitas dan karakter. Pada dasarnya sih pasti balik ke pribadi mereka masing-masing tujuan hidupnya apa. Tapi kayaknya hidup itu sayang banget kalo diabisin buat cari uang aja kan ya. #azek

Nah! Disini nih yang bikin gue makin tertarik untuk belajar lebih tentang hidup dan jadi buat gue semakin ingin untuk melalang buana. Wiiii sedaaap:")

Btw, kemarin pendaftaran SNMPTN juga udah ditutup kan, jadi makin semangat dan berharap untuk bisa jadi geologist + mahasiswi UGM. Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, I do wish that on the next 28 May 2013 i'll be the one of those who pass through SNMPTN. And  I really really hope it'll become real! Aaamin! Jadi, siapa pun, orang yang gak sengaja mampir, orang yang sengaja mampir *lah emg ada del*, orang-orangan sawah(?), orang....ya...pokoknya orang dah! (-_-) yang liat tulisan ini, doain della yah! Semoga bisa tercapai:""") Amin amin amin amin amin! Live while we're young!! :)

It's okay dealing with own mind about things you wanted and things you needed. But the further I deal with, the hardest I decide to and it's like..world war session III. The situation's approximately like these conversations: "It would be good if I'd be like that. I want that, seriously!" the other side of my mind said, "Geez! Be realistic of your self-capability!", the other side also wisely said, "Don't rely with your present capability. It can be shaped only if you never stop trying."

All the things has its good and bad. Risks are risks. Everything has that. Fail now but, later, it may never be. But, what about if the both choices have a perfectly the same good and bad? This theory is just theory. These dillemmas are waiting to decide. In the end, there's a time these stuffs will be passed by and i'll cheer for that 'cause there's a rainbow after the storm. Wish me luck! Bismillah!

           Ibarat pake threadmill, saya berlari tetapi hanya di satu tempat aja, tanpa ada perpindahan. Sudah lama membenak, meronta. "Cukup! Cukup! Ini gak boleh kejadian untuk ke lubang yang sama." Fix banget kuliah jangan sampai kejadian lagi. That's why I wanna go out far far awaaay! And when I back, I should not only bring back my packages, title embedded on my name, but also tons of precious moments and life-lessons. 

For all the things I wanna say.  For all the things I couldn't say. For all the things I never have said.

Is there any time for me to say?
...Wait? Uh, I've no idea how longer I could stay and you've no idea how hard I resist to.
Just..wish you read and understand.

"Here or there, tomorrow or today, everywhere and everysecond you're living your life, has own consequences. There's only 1 decision you've to decide but only Him can direct the way you've to take and live life as it be. I do believe it's always be a good one. Never be wrong. Never. God knows what you need, human just do eveything as best as they can to let God gives His best answers to them."

Just Once. No More.

"For all those we i felt like a mistake, those times when love's what you i hate." Marchin' On - Coldplay

Those times. 
At that time, I remember that what I feel is not like what I say, but the reverse. When I was happy, I denied. Actually, I acted like I don't care. Especially, when there were butterflies flyin' in my tummy. 

At that time, I also thought like "Omg, I'm confused. What kind of these things are supposed to? Is it refer to me? Me?!" Everytime I felt like that way, I just keep it by my own. Over again and over again. Till' the last word he say to me. 

All of the sudden, yesterday, I was slapped by one of my pal's story. Exactly the same story like he did yesterday to me. Then, I realised. I know now I'm that "blind". Am I too late to apologize? May he already forget those things I did. Maybe not. But like there's a hole of guilty feeling in this mind and it's hard to cover. Really. You've no idea how it feels that you already treat someone bad and have no time to say apologize. Because everything seems too late. The fact, it really is.

It feels like nothing really matters anymore

When you're gone, I can't breathe

And I know you never meant to make me feel this way

This can't be happening

Now I see, now I see.

Eveybody Hurts - Avril Lavigne

Thus, I grab something that I should be honest to myself and also care about my conscience. I feel blessed that I still wake up and able to find out what's my mistake. Not to mention I won't make it for the second times.

 Someday when I meet that person, I just want to say..."I'm sorry". Yup, someday, I will do.