Just Once. No More.

"For all those we i felt like a mistake, those times when love's what you i hate." Marchin' On - Coldplay

Those times. 
At that time, I remember that what I feel is not like what I say, but the reverse. When I was happy, I denied. Actually, I acted like I don't care. Especially, when there were butterflies flyin' in my tummy. 

At that time, I also thought like "Omg, I'm confused. What kind of these things are supposed to? Is it refer to me? Me?!" Everytime I felt like that way, I just keep it by my own. Over again and over again. Till' the last word he say to me. 

All of the sudden, yesterday, I was slapped by one of my pal's story. Exactly the same story like he did yesterday to me. Then, I realised. I know now I'm that "blind". Am I too late to apologize? May he already forget those things I did. Maybe not. But like there's a hole of guilty feeling in this mind and it's hard to cover. Really. You've no idea how it feels that you already treat someone bad and have no time to say apologize. Because everything seems too late. The fact, it really is.

It feels like nothing really matters anymore

When you're gone, I can't breathe

And I know you never meant to make me feel this way

This can't be happening

Now I see, now I see.

Eveybody Hurts - Avril Lavigne

Thus, I grab something that I should be honest to myself and also care about my conscience. I feel blessed that I still wake up and able to find out what's my mistake. Not to mention I won't make it for the second times.

 Someday when I meet that person, I just want to say..."I'm sorry". Yup, someday, I will do.

I used to look for my phone whenever I feel terrible or happy or write someting that I should learn of or remember of on my phone notes. You know, you might be hang on some person who you trust to tell what's your problem. But, your friend isn't always there whenever you need her/him. Then I have this note. At least I can write my feeling and discover some of my thoughts in my note. It's like healing from my bad feeling after I re-read my own feeling by myself. Then, be thankful and that bad feeling is suddenly gone. Now, there's no more. My phone is lost. Well, now, I certainly don't know where I'm supposed to write my feelings. Plus, now, there's no phone, no note. I'm feeling the worst feeling ever. Now, I know that note is always be my drug after God. Good to know that I don't lost my precious drug. I told ya, whenever you find yourself bad or feeling bad and don't know where to say, God is always there.

Oh yap, I'm really sorry for my friend yesterday I wasn't there, I know I disappoint ya. And you know, it also disappoint myself that I disappoint you. It's kinda bad.


Btw, cheers for me and wish me luck for my final exam! Go SNMPTN Undangan!